From a young age, you learn that forming powerful bonds with others is one of the most meaningful ways to experience life.
While that’s definitely true, there isn’t enough emphasis on your relationship with yourself.
Unfortunately, this can force you to put too much weight on your relationship with others, prioritizing their happiness and satisfaction over yours.
If that’s the case, you need to learn to live for yourself.
It’s easier said than done, though. A lot of factors go into that mindset, and you’re bound to face some challenges. So, let’s break it down.
What Does Living for Yourself Mean?
Living for yourself means experiencing life however you want and doing what makes you happy regardless of other people’s opinions.
If you want to watch cartoons as an adult, you do it without caring what other people would think.
If you want to stay home and not go out with your friends, you do it without fearing they’ll dislike you.
It’s not a selfish mindset. It doesn’t mean you should only think about yourself. You can still be loving, caring, and considerate.
It just means prioritizing yourself and living your life based on your own values.
Why Should You Live For Yourself?
It’s one of the most liberating attitudes you can adopt; you’d be lifting the weight of people’s opinions off your shoulders.
Every human life is unique. We all see and experience life differently.
If you live to please other people, can you really say you’re living your own life? Your own experience? You’ll end up missing the chance to do what brings you joy.
Besides, it’s hard to satisfy people when you’re not satisfied yourself. You can’t give people what you lack.
If you go out with your friends when you don’t want to, you’re not going to be as engaging or sociable. So, they won’t have the best time.
If you only go to college because your parents want you to, you won’t reach your maximum potential as a student.
They’re bound to notice you’re not invested in your studies and won’t be happy about it.
So, it’d be better for everyone if you go through life the way you want.
Is It Hard to Adopt That Mentality?
Adopting this mentality isn’t going to be easy; sometimes, it can go against human nature and societal standards.
Let’s see how those two factors can stand in the way.
Human Nature
Human beings are sociable creatures; we’ve been living in groups since the dawn of time.
We built civilizations and survived catastrophes together.
As an integral part of our nature, we sometimes strive to form and maintain human relations by seeking acceptance and validation from others.
Naturally, it’s not easy to change that mindset.
You’ll have your ups and downs. So, don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it right away.
Societal Standards
From early on, you’re taught to behave in a way that matches society’s standards.
Since living for yourself involves occasionally breaking traditional societal norms, it goes without saying that not everyone is going to like it.
For example, society expects you to go to school, college, graduate, then get a job.
If, however, you think school or college is not for you and want to quit, you’re going to face a lot of pressure.
Not everyone can face this pressure. In fact, freeing yourself from the shackles of societal standards is probably the biggest step you’ll have to take.
Once you do, though, you’ll be as free as a bird.
How to Live For Yourself?
Now that we laid the groundwork, let’s see how you can start living for yourself.
1. Set Your Priorities
Since living for yourself means prioritizing yourself, you need to know what these priorities are.
Identify what brings you joy in life. Is it your friendships? School? Your career?
That’s what you need to focus on.
If it’s difficult to determine your priorities, you can try different activities and learn new skills. See what works for you and what doesn’t.
The purpose of this step is to eliminate anything that distracts you from doing what you love.
This is an ever-changing process, as we constantly change over time. So, your priorities can change as well.
Don’t be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone. Remember, it’s all part of determining the path you want to walk.
2. Spend Quality Time With Yourself
When you please other people, you seek to receive their acceptance and validation. Spending quality time alone teaches you to get that validation from within yourself.
Even if you don’t want to, you probably spend much of your time in social groups, whether it’s at school or work. In order to get along, you observe how these groups behave and adapt accordingly.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t give you a lot of room to be your authentic self.
When you’re alone, you don’t have to adjust your behavior to match anyone else’s. You have more room to understand what you like and don’t like.
Thus, you’ll have an easier time setting your priorities.
3. Stop Caring What Other People Think of You
This is why so many people struggle to live for themselves.
It’s normal to want people to like you; you go out with your friends even when you don’t want to. You don’t wear your favorite shirt fearing people may not like it. Maybe you don’t eat as much as you want to look good in front of people.
While it’s understandable, caring about other people’s opinions too much is a recipe for burnout.
It’s particularly true if you’re going against society’s norms.
Remember, no matter what you do, you can’t please everyone. Some people will always criticize you for what you do.
What you can do is learn to set your boundaries and build your confidence.
4. Practice Positive Self-Talk
When you stop seeking validation from others, it can be difficult to learn how to get that validation from within yourself. It’s not something that everyone masters right away.
That’s why it’s important to practice positive self-talk. It might seem cheesy, but it works nonetheless.
We’ve already established that living for yourself has its challenges. It’s hard to face these challenges when your self-image isn’t its best.
So, practice thinking and talking positively about yourself. Compliment yourself when you do well at school or when you wear nice clothes.
Even if things don’t work out like you wanted, don’t be too hard on yourself. Didn’t do that well in the exam? It’s okay, you’ll do better next time.
It can do wonders for your self-worth.
5. Don’t Be Afraid of Being Yourself
So, we’ve covered everything you need to know. It’s time to start acting like your true self—but, you’re afraid.
That’s understandable. Most human beings don’t like to stand out or be called different/weird. Our first instinct is to join the crowd, as it’s the most foolproof survival method.
However, you can’t live your life the way you want if you’re too scared to be yourself.
Once you face that fear, you’ll form stronger bonds and maintain an authentic conviction.
Wrapping Up
So, how to live for yourself?
You can start by identifying what’s important to you; your priorities and values.
If these values go against societal standards, you’re going to face a lot of pressure. Don’t let it get to you, though. Practicing positive self-talk can ease that pressure.
Even if you understand the importance of being your authentic self, it’s not going to be easy. So, take your time and keep at it.